Don't try to find out who "started it." Instead, work together to find a solution.
Attack problems, not people. There should be no winners and no losers, just a solution.
Listen to the other person and try to understand his or her concerns without judging. Listen with your heart.
Tell the other person about your concerns. Start your sentences with "I," not "You." Especially avoid, "You always," followed by a re-cap of past disputes. Focus on the future.
When you state the problem, follow up with a positive constructive suggestion on how to solve it.
Know your objective. What do you want the other person to do? How do you want him or her to change behavior? What are you own needs? Be specific. Be ready to listen and to work on meeting needs.
Be respectful. Aviod name-calling and inflammatory words. Use language that will lead to a solution of the problem rather than escalate the level of anger.
Seven Steps to Resolve A Conflict
Arrange a meeting with all of the parties involved in the conflict.
Acknowledge that there is a conflict. Make sure all parties verbally agree on the nature of the conflict.
When discussing your role in the conflict, use "I" statements. Encourage others to do the same.
Ask direct questions about the situation in conflict.
Confirm your understanding. For example: "If I understand correctly, this is how you see the situation . . . . "
Tell the other parties what outcome you desire and ask what they desire too.
Whether or not you come to an agreement; agree to work toward a resolution that benefits everyone; and schedule a follow-up meeting, time certain.
